Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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