I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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