I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
