i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
