i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you had me at cake vodka
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
