so that wasnt chicken after all
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
