if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
