I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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