Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
