I just pynch a tree in the face
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
