Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
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His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
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Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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