Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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