But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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