In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
