It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
my liver is dry heaving
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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