scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
