I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
