i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
