no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
