this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
how does that bad decision feel?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
