wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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