Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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