new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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