Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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