I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
