somebody snuck up and got me drunk
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Boobs are out for the taking
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
