dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
