Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
