CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
