The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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