i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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