Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
