that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She needs sedatives and a leash
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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