I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
