i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I checked into jail on foursquare
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
