just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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