i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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