There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
love makes seman taste better
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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