Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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