It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
