I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
