Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
