I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
