Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
