Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
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I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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