my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
