Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
