Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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