im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
