sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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