We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I understand Curling. That high.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
