I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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