if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
