I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
