I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
