I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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