i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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