Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
