i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
well you can't waste a boner
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
