I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
