Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
