she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
