Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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