Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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