I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
