its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
