Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
