What did we do last night that was yellow?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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