and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
