ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
and she was petting her beer can
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
