Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
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Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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