I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
