i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
