He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
