Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
