where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
